I think I'm borderline or maybe just going insane?

you got to put some time aside for relaxation , try to put it into perspective although life isn't good you are rationalising about your condition and so it is a step forward . keep your studies going they are important no matter if it is easy then put more work in research , it will benefit you long term . good luck . your interest in the spiritual is interesting and there are people out there with similar outlook try a church but nothing too conservative somewhere relaxed .